Motherhood - The first three months

I only came across the notion of 'The Fourth Trimester' while I was pregnant but it is something that really seemed to help my brain with the transition into motherhood. I know all of our brains are wired up differently, but I thought I would share my thought process in case it helped someone else who is becoming a new mumma.

Effectively, the fourth trimester is the concept of viewing the first three months of your baby's life as an adjustment period. 'Science' says that a fresh baby doesn't necessarily know that they are separate to you yet, so in that time they are having a lot of discoveries about themselves. For example, their vision is strengthening and their stomachs are stretching, to make space for more milk! I remember when Violet had her first ever fart and she cried because she scared herself. Jeff and I only laughed a little bit, honest! But seriously though, imagine having to learn everything about how you work, it would be pretty overwhelming. So it helped me to try and remember this when she arrived. Its a new experience for them as well as you! That empathy definitely stopped me getting as stressed as I might have done.

Our squish is now nearly four months old and I think I will always look back at those first few months as exactly that, a period of change. One day you are you. The person you have always been. The next day your whole world is completely different. Things that mattered to you before and held huge relevance, suddenly feel like the most trivial situations. You now have a human being that needs you. You get to watch them become the person who they are going to be and you get to help them be the best version of themselves. You can prepare as much as you want and read all of the parenting books that exist. But the big secret is, parenting is effectively just winging it every single day!

You can prepare to a certain level. But it comes down to the fact that when you're pregnant you don't know what your baby is going to be like. You don't know their personality yet and what they are going to need from you. This is why I found having the three month window in my brain so great. Anything else does not matter for those three months. So, all you've eaten since the baby arrived is potato smiley faces and beans. Who cares. So, there is a mountain of laundry as who knew just HOW MANY clothes babies get through. That's fine, you're in the fourth trimester. You HAD A BABY. A person came out of you. You eat those potato smiley faces and take your time getting to know that human. Put a huge patronus/bubble barrier around yourself to reflect other peoples judgements and life's problems and take the pressure off yourself.

You WILL make mistakes, you are human. Just when you think you've cracked it they might have an unsettled night or get their first cold and you will be terrified of what to do all over again. One day you might manage to venture in to the real world and the next day you'll stay in your pyjamas or they will do an explosive poo so horrendous that you consider putting them in the bin. Deep breaths and go easy on yourself.

I thought that I would feel a sense of dread by end of the fourth trimester in that I should somehow now have my shit completely together by now. But even though I very much don't have my shit completely together,I feel fine. This 'one day at a time' thing seems to have ingrained in my brain. It's not easy every day. I have days where I struggle, but it feels less scary than it did. And towards the end of the fourth trimester you start to get more back from your little gelfling. Your babba will probably be smiling and chuckling and maybe babbling to you. I know Jeff said he struggled the most in those early 'potato baby' days when they just exist. It helps so much that her little personality is really starting to show now. So keep at it. New challenges constantly come up but it does get a little bit easier and you have a bit of experience now and therefore the tiniest bit of parenting confidence to build on.

I am new to being Violet's mumma. But she's new to being a baby. We will figure this out together and enjoy the incredible, smelly journey of smiles and poop, one nappy at a time.